The artist for the above image is @Kayas_Kosmos.
[THIS IS SIMPLY FOR APPRECIATION OF WHAT SHE DOES FOR ME – SHE IS ABLE TO LEAVE WHENEVER – MY OCD DISCLAIMER…]
My wife is the single greatest person on this planet. She’s been incredible to me since the day we met. We’ve had endless happy times together, watched shows, worked out how to live together for us. One break period in our course after we met she stayed with me and never left. We’ve been together eight years as of April 13th.
Each day she brings me joy, she is patient with me, she understands I never want to hurt her – although I sometimes have by saying something – she lets me know and I correct it. She understands that if she needs me to do something – she can ask. I like surprising her, she’s the one person in my life I feel has always loved me unconditionally.
We got married at the start of last year, when things were looking up for me, before my diagnosis. Then unfortunately a cannon of sadness, and an unravelling of previously denied trauma in my life started inside my head.
I wish I had known I was Autistic last year. Before I went through Autistic Burnout, then I could have had an explanation for her as to why I was out of control. I could have been able to tell her that this was the result of 36 years of trying to hide who I was from the rest of the world. I could have known what was happening.
I didn’t mask around my wife, and she thought nothing of it – because she loved me for who I am, for all my flaws, my Autistic traits, my imperfections. I’d figured out that sometimes people find me stand offish – so I made sure that she knows that I will let her know if I am upset with her.
Everyday I get to wake up and spend my life with the one person who believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. I did things in burnout that terrified her, that terrified me, that made me nearly destroy our marriage through my need to hurt myself constantly.
We’re happier now – for the first time in our eight year relationship – I am truly more stable. I am able to love and be here for her far more than I have ever been – even when I am not entirely here. I can explain things to her that I’ve never had answers for – why I am flat sometimes, why I sometimes seem blunt when I don’t mean to be, how I sometimes have issues choosing my words.
I can’t live without my wife – although I’d have to find a way without her if she wanted to leave because her happiness comes first. She makes me want to be the best version of myself, and that’s the person she fell in love with – the real me.
I will love her forever.
Daily blog challenge
I will be writing every day on being Autistic for April using this list of prompts:
Alt-Text Format with links to other blogs – Autistic Acceptance Month – 30 Days of Acceptance and appreciation:
- Day 1 – Introduction
- Day 2 – What I love about being Autistic is…
- Day 3 – My diagnosis/discovery story
- Day 4 – Reactions to “coming out
- Day 5 – Special Interests
- Day 6 – Supports and Appreciation
- Day 7 – The Autistic Community
- Day 8 – Favorite Autistic Blog
- Day 9 – Favourite Autistic-owned Business
- Day 10 – Sensory Life
- Day 11 – Stims
- Day 12 – Favorite Autism-charity
- Day 13 – Family
- Day 14 – Routine
- Day 15 – Everyone should know…
- Day 16 – Work/School
- Day 17 – Accommodations
- Day 18 – Someday…
- Day 19 – I hate it when…
- Day 20 – Communication
- Day 21 – One thing other people don’t understand
- Day 22 – Dispel a myth
- Day 23 – Can’t live without…
- Day 24 – Political Issue
- Day 25 – Symbols!
- Day 26 – Favorite Autism book
- Day 27 – Identity Language
- Day 28 – Dealing with meltdowns
- Day 29 – Famous Autistics
- Day 30 – Acceptance means…