Autistic Acceptance Month – I hate it when…

A dragon in the shape of an infinity symbol that is rainbow coloured like the neurodiversity symbol

The artist for the above image is @Kayas_Kosmos.

I hate it when… (all of these sentences start with this phrase)

I realise that my education was absolutely garbage for me and taught me awful concepts based on a white supremacist sexist cis standard.

Friends I have do things that are morally incorrect, but I don’t have the courage to talk because I’d rather not be alone.

People lie about their values and then worship structures instead.

My cat Nibbler licks me, even though I love him immensely it causes sensory hell.

I get defensive when called out on valid stuff I do wrong, and I hate that I am still deprogramming the response to accepting I am wrong.

I realise how much of my life has been made difficult by not knowing I was Autistic.

I see constant scientific articles talking about how to erase me or try and train me out of being me.

I have to deal with any system that has caused me trauma for the risk that it will retraumatise me, even though I rely on a number of them for support

I think about how many wasted years of my life I did doing things that I didn’t agree with that I knew were wrong because I wanted to fit in.

I realise that every authoritative system I disagreed with I had valid reasons for doing so, but was taught to be submissive to these rather than challenging them

I can’t self advocate in real life and I get destroyed by cPTSD triggers.

I think that I am to blame for the bad things that happened to me that were clearly attributed to my neurodivergent differences.

I realise how long I never believed in myself.

I want to die – even though I know I shouldn’t and it’s bad to think this.

People assume that when passionate and talking about one of my special interests they assume I am unstable or angry with them.

I am told I am too emotional.

I know the mental health system is hurting people more than it’s helping in so many cases.

Doctors think they are the arbiters of knowledge even though they did a module on conditions people live with their entire lives and will discount their thoughts.

We criminalize substances, but have allowed me access to more harmful substances that are “medically” approved.

I can’t get out of a rumination cycle, even though I have so many times in the past.

I still doubt myself, but know that I always should.

People make false attributions to my motives when I make dysgraphia errors and then say it’s an convenient to blame them or that I have changed my argument.

I can’t make change or an argument in real life when I know I do have reasons and answers but my brain decides to hide information from me – even though I can do it if given time and less pressure.

Every time I go outside I have to mask – just to survive – and that this mask is now fused to me in ways I don’t know how to fix.

Simon Baron-Cohen is allowed to talk ever about Autistic people when he still hasn’t retracted his novel on Autistic people lacking empathy, or apologised, and think about how he was knighted for “services to people with autism”.

People support charities that want to exterminate me, and all other Autistics and people support them in droves.

I think about how much work is still to be done, and how tired I am all the time from having to struggle for 37 years in the dark about being Autistic, and how that’s shaped everything about me that I struggle with.

People defend Applied Behavioural Analysis because they think conversion therapy of Autistic people is acceptable practice.

I focus too much on the negative things in life – so I’ll end the blog here.

Daily blog challenge

I will be writing every day on being Autistic for April using this list of prompts:

Alt-Text Format with links to other blogs – Autistic Acceptance Month – 30 Days of Acceptance and appreciation:

Published by roryreckons

I am an ADHD/Autism/OCD advocate and independent ADHD/Autism researcher. I am training in 2021 to become an ICF Accredited ADHD coach. I write mainly about ADHD/Autism/OCD/Mental health issues, but will also discuss morality, abolition, and current affairs occasionally.

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